Day 37 of 365: it has nothing to do with you.

This is a beautiful lesson I’ve recently learned: everyone else’s reactions have nothing to do with me.

Even if I do an awkward dance and someone says, “You look stupid.”

That has nothing to do with me.

If someone looks at me and says, “You’re sexy.”

That has nothing to do with me.

Now, there’s a balance, of course. It can be argued that, yes, that person’s comment was inspired by my presence and, as such, has to do with me.

And yea, there’s truth in that.

But the main focus here is that… OTHER PEOPLE’S JUDGMENTS ARE REFLECTIONS OF THEMSELVES. And our judgments of others? Reflections of something in us.

REALIZING AND IMPLEMENTING THIS HAS BEEN LIKE A CHEAT CODE FOR LIFE.

It’s so fudging easy to take things personally. Seriously… When I hear a car horn, my first instinct is to immediately ensure that I’m doing all of the right driving things.

WHY DID HE HONK AT ME?

10 AND 2. GOING SLIGHTLY ABOVE THE SPEED LIMIT BUT NOT TOO MUCH. NOT TEXTING AND DRIVING.

WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?! Why is he so MEAN!!@!

And then I’ll often catch a glimpse of the person who did honk, and realize that he was saying hi to a friend in another car.

Those humans have no fudging idea that I exist. In that moment, they were absorbed in their own lives, and I ceased to exist to them.

And yet… My instinct is to make their interaction about me.

Someone has a bad day? MUST BE MY FAULT.
Overheard someone say, “We gotta’ talk about it”? THE “IT” IS ME. I AM FIRED.
Cranky cashier? SHE IS MAD AT HOW MANY ITEMS I GOT. I AM BAD AT GROCERYING.

Watching these thoughts (rather than engaging with them) is such a blast. My favorite trick is pretending I have a talkative roommate saying all these things to me. It helps me disengage from the thoughts and recognize that they’re, well, pretty ridiculous.

roommate voice

And this, my friends, IS FREEDOM.

Realizing that everyone else is too worried about what we think of them to really think much of us IS SO FREEING.

Let that sink in for a second. Seriously.

The stress you feel? The anxiety? The worry about what another person may be thinking or feeling about you?

A.) It is often irrational and fear-based, and can be dismissed.
B.) Even if it is true; their judgments of you are a reflection of something within themselves.
3.) Even if a person said or did something seemingly rude to you, that occurrence only happened once. How many times have you put yourself through it by replaying that scene?

SO. Take a breather. And let those worry balloons go.

Everyone is too busy to worry about what the fuck you’re doing.

So go do what makes your heart sing.

jen

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Sometimes I write about happy things. Other times I write about sad things. Either way, there will be doodles.

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