Day 32 of 365: WHAT WE FOCUS ON GROWS

While waiting for my computer to wake up, and while I pondered which idea to write, my attention was drawn to the wall behind my desk.

I have motivational sayings, mantras, images, to help ground me into reality.

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See… We’re raised in a society where it can feel terrifying or impossible to dive in and follow the dream our inner voice has been repeating for years.

It seems so easy to hold oneself back from pursuing these dreams, via the vehicles of excuses, self-sabotage, and limiting beliefs.

It’s easy (and almost expected) to play victim, to blame outside circumstances, and to “not be irresponsible”, which is often thought to be synonymous with following one’s dreams.

For me, my excuse was never having enough time, or not knowing what to write about, or not being good enough, or being too stressed, or too happy, or too wrapped up in a relationship, or or or.

That seems like a widely accepted comfort zone, doesn’t it? (Although I don’t know how comfortable it really is. I lived there for years and there was always an underlying anxiety nibbling at my spine and gut, knowing I was bound for greater things. Knowing that we’re all bound for greater things. Knowing that I could enjoy life rather than dread each day. That this is available to each and every one of us.)

My point to all of this is… There’s a lot I do to keep myself anchored in reality.

And by “reality” I mean in an existence with an open, forgiving, trusting, faithful heart. Living a life where I know that I’m doing the best thing for the highest good of all by following my intuitive pull and by letting shit go. Being okay with people looking at me like I’m weird (I am, and proud of it) for my beliefs or words or choices in life.

Or for my new favorite hairstyle which is my hair half back with a bun on top of my head. My boss called me Bam-Bam, and you best believe I’m buying a bone and wrapping it in my hair.

Like… When I tell folks I don’t eat sugar or drink caffeine or alcohol and am a vegetarian, most wear a face that looks like they are simultaneously perplexed and feeling sorry for me.

And I’m over there inside my head and heart like, “Person, if you had any clue the amount of freedom and awakening that comes from using food as fuel and eating healthily, you’d be looking at you like you’re the weird one.”

But I don’t say that. Because I’m working really hard to release all judgement and let other people do their thing.

SO. Bottom line is that… It can sometimes feel easier to get sucked into the Matrix. To take the out of sight out of mind approach. To ignore the dreams and do the responsible thing.

This is why I meditate every morning to open my heart and ground myself. It’s why I have vision boards in my room and motivational quotes as my backgrounds and inspirational snippets on the wall behind my computer.

It’s why I go to the bathroom at work and say loving things to myself in the mirror.

It’s why I practice my TED Talk, and the interview with Ellen I’ll one day have.

It’s why I’m busting my ass to rid myself of any negative speaking whatsoever, whether about myself or another or even a situation.

It’s why I take 1-2 hours every morning to myself and with Spirit before I interact with anyone else.

have to ground into my truth. I have to remind myself that I’m worth it, that dreams do come true, and that keeping my heart open no matter what is true strength.  That love is the only reality, and all the ouchy shit is because of people acting out of fear.

I choose to be my own cheerleader. At first, I felt ridiculous doing it. I’d look in the mirror and be like, “I love you, Jen.” And the response in my head would be an immediate, “PSSHHHT no you DO NOT.”

So I started with self tolerance. Then graduated to self-like. And now I live in a place of true self-love.

Fear can be uber convincing. It knows our buttons and our weak spots. It knows just how to get to us, by playing to our insecurities.

So the more love we can surround ourselves with? The better.

Because what we focus on grows.

If we focus on negative speaking or gossip or reacting rather than responding, or downplaying ourselves or other people, we will only attract more of that into our lives.

When we focus on love and compassion and forgiveness, and learning to laugh at life, we will attract more of the same.

So this is why I have my morning routine, my evening routine, and a few tricks I use throughout the day to ground back into truth (Love) and step away from Fear’s sticky grip.

And I know it’s working… Because I no longer dislike the Fear I experience. I’m grateful for it. For feeling it. And for the opportunity to push through fear, which is one of the best rushes one will ever feel. I don’t need to drink or do drugs anymore; my high comes from breaking down the walls around my heart and fully experiencing life.

When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I say is: “Something amazingly awesome is going to happen to me today,” and then I look at Floyd and say “Something amazingly awesome is gonna’ happen to you today.”

And guess what?

It always comes true.

And if we woke up and said, “Something shitty is gonna’ happen today”? That, too, would come true.

It’s up to us to choose.

~J

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Sometimes I write about happy things. Other times I write about sad things. Either way, there will be doodles.

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