Day 13 of 365: SHHH, I’m trying to write.

By the time I post each night, I’m normally too wiped out from the excitement of the day to put the energy into even attempting to explain how magical this 365-day journey has been so far.

It’s like when someone tells you about their dream and it just never really holds the same meaning, unless they take the time to explain the back story of ALL OF THE THINGS… Thus turning a 30 second dream into an hour-long conversation.

So, explaining each transformational experience or synchronistic moment would be a waste of time to me, because it take me out of this state of living and trusting and instead shove me into a state of talking about living and trusting.

I lived there for most of my life; I’m amped to be taking actual action instead.

That being said, simply saying “I had neat things happen today and they blew my mind” doesn’t quite encompass the depth of tinglies I’ve gotten in my belly from some of these moments.

From today, I’ll pick my favorite two.

  1. There’s been this repetitive occurrence in my life of losing one of my favorite earrings. And then, a year or so later, it’ll magically show up. It is for this reason that I refuse to throw away the favorite earring in my possession. (I like to think that its mate is on a business trip or traveling in Africa and will come back eventually.)

    Today, while organizing and singing to Alanis Moresette, I FOUND THE MATCHING EARRING. And then they took a bubble bath together. Because romance. (And because travel-earring was sticky for unknown reasons.)
    IMG_8352
    Yesterday or the day before I looked at the lonely homebody one and said, “I’ll find your friend; don’t worry.”

    I didn’t stress out about it or dive into some frantic search party. I simply acknowledged my positive expectancy, and then let it go.

    And then, within 48 hours, I felt randomly inspired to clean through a specific box in my painting studio that hadn’t been touched in many moons. And KABOOM. EARRING FRIEND.

    FUNNY WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I TRUST AND LET GO OF MY IDEA OF HOW THINGS SHOULD GO, AND TAKE INSPIRED ACTION.

  2. Similarly, I had somehow misplaced a personalized item years ago that was very important to me. When I was 21, I had the most amazing college professor. She taught English 1101 and 1102, but she taught so much more than that.

    She taught me that my imperfections are my true magic and beauty, and she made me promise that I’d NEVER EVER STOP WRITING. She was a cheerleader for me during a time when I was my own worst enemy, and she is the reason I stuck with writing and didn’t switch majors to Statistics or Accounting.

    She passed away a handful of years ago, which made this personalized item even more important to me. I legitimately grieved the loss of it, even though part of me held out hope that it’d show up at just the right time.

    While doing the impromptu studio clean– WAIT. PAUSE.

    Untitled-3

    Quick supporting fact for this story: This past week has consisted of some of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever made. I knew I needed to make them… I knew it in my bones. 

    This left me pretty exhausted, especially last night and today. Again, I knew I’d done what was right for my heart and my future, but I still felt a little wobbly-kneed… Like I could use a hug… Or a cheerleader.

    PLAY

    While doing the impromptu studio clean, GUESS WHAT FOUND ME.
    IMG_8346

    I felt her presence so strongly in that moment, and I could clearly hear her laugh and feel her smile. This was such validation for me… Especially because of what the bookmark says!

    See… So many times, I’m amped to start a project. It’ll be big and expansive and feel so in alignment, and then life’s noise will start getting louder… Certain technical difficulties start to happen… And, what started out as an easy fun project soon is riddled with obstacles.

    I used to take this as a bad sign… A sign that “Clearly I’m not supposed to do this.” After reading Jen Sincero’s fabulous + sassy book, YOU ARE A BADASS, I learned that it was actually a good sign.

    you are a badass!
    Read this if you need a kick in the ass.

    She introduces what she calls the Big Snooze (or BS). BS wants us to stay small and is afraid of the unknown. So… When we step out of our comfort zones, BS starts wreaking havoc internally, externally, and anywhere it can get its grimy little fingers.

    Once we push through the BS’s BS, though, it’ll eventually realize its efforts are futile, and the project will begin flowing again.

    I like to imagine the Big Snooze looks like this:
    big snooze 1
    Just a scared little nerdy blob. How can I be mad at that?

    Now, when certain obstacles pop up after I’ve started on a chancy endeavor, I take it as a sign that I’m SHAKIN’ SHIT UP and heading in the right direction.

    RIGHT. SO. BACK TO WHY THE BOOKMARK MESSAGE IS IMPORTANT.

    I have three giant writing projects happening at the same time, with lots of other newborn ideas snuggling up with the cats that frequently go crazy in my head. I’m nearly two weeks into this 365-day project, and I felt wobbly knees for the first time today. The whole… “WTF are you doing? Does anyone care?” Etc. (SHHH, Big Snooze. Ain’t nobody got time fo dat.)

    Then, to find this bookmark (or to have it find me) and read what it says… It impacted me in such a way that I’m smiling, even now. It brought happy tears to my eyes.

I don’t know if I can yet explain how divinely supported I feel on this journey… Because I don’t yet understand it. But I’ve never felt something so freeing and expansive.

Thanks, chance. Ima’ keep on keepin’ on.

jen

 

Posted by

Sometimes I write about happy things. Other times I write about sad things. Either way, there will be doodles.

3 thoughts on “Day 13 of 365: SHHH, I’m trying to write.

  1. I hope vacation earring didn’t contract an STD (sticky?).

    You are a badass book was a game changer for me a couple years back.

    I am not divine support but I wanted you to know how much I care about your heart/head/gut writing. I love reading your post every morning with my coffee. It reminds me of where I have been and where I am going. You have brave talent.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I’m feeling wobble knees tonight about it, so I appreciate this a lot.

      (I’m hoping the hot water and young living Thieves blend essential oil hand soap took care of any earring diseases.)

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s